thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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