I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
