after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
