It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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