She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
