There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
