all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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