You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
