You can't motorboat a personality
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
