maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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