I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
