I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
