dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
