i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i will never coherently bang her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
