im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
