It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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