Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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