She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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