Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
