Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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