i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
