I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
