he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
