the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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