so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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