420 ftw
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
