Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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