Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize