Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
