think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You've changed since you got that strap on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
