Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize