once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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