It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
