You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
