my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
