Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
