I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
