I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
