John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have to summon your inner elephant
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
