Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
