Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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