Don't you send me to vm
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
