ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
