The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
