Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
