nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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