You smell like stripper and shame
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
