I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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