I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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