I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
