I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
