you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
