My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
