i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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