Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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