Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
