My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
