my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
