do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
