We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Randomize
