she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
