sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They have beer where we have blood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
