is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
