It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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