This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
