Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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