so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
