I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
