Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
