my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
