Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
