Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
