If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
