I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
