Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
