only if we run a train.
done.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
