I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
