rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So squirting runs in the family.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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