just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
