when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
