Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize