I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
