oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
