I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
