You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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