her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
