Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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