In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
