did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
