I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
