smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
