DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
