I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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