I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
