She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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