why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
