i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
